tiistai 21. helmikuuta 2012

Breaking the loop

For the 19 years of my life, whenever I've started something, the result was bad, or it never got finished. The small things ended up bad and sometimes just ridiculously mediocre, or if they were actually good no one simply didn't care about them. Big ones had potential (in my eyes), but I never finished them. I wanted to get them ready but I just lost my motivation and... I don't know. I probably got bored and wanted to try doing something else.

That started a loop, and whenever I was doing something actually good, it never got ready. It took too long to make it, and it didn't offer anything to look forward to. Now talk about not being able to show your true talent. Or do I really want to do games? I've heard from the people working on the industry that it's about heart and passion, so despite all my efforts, am I fit to be a game developer, even as a hobby?

Then 3 years ago I started this project, attempting to just create a simple game with C++ and SDL. But for some reason, it grew bigger, and no matter what happened I couldn't just leave it there. Maybe this project just never got boring? At start it was just experimenting on game mechanics; how to show dialog, how to make player follow your mouse, inventory, very simple stuff... once it started to look something, I tried writing a story, failing at that. For some reason I just wanted to try again, making the story much better, and enchancing the game mechanics even further.

It started to be clear what kind of game I was making. But this time I had bonded with the story, and I felt I had to finish this project just to show what kind of incredible story I just made, how I had my heart in it, and this whole project. Now I can't stop, and I don't want to. The problem with my old unfinished big projects was that I never really wanted to finish them. There was no bond. I wasn't actually interested in them. They had their moments, but there was nothing else to look forward to. I made a side-scroller stealth-game with proper mechanics, but that was all I wanted to see. No menu, sounds, just one single unfinished map with ugly graphics.

In this project, I'm simply looking forward to seeing my story "in action", as a game. And I want people to see it too.

Time I've spent with this project isn't the only reason I'm so confident in this project. The fact that I reach some big points in my plans simply feels awesome. As of now, I have all maps for chapter 5 ready, so now I can finish making the chapter as a game. It's not as good as chapter 6, but it's important anyway. To think I'll see THAT character in the game, and to think THAT will happen in the game... it simply feels exciting! No doubt my next project will have at least 60-40 focus on story.

I'll set a goal here: turn chapter 5 into a game within March.

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